Monday, March 26, 2007

Deep Fried Chicken Fat and Whole Foods Salsa

So, do I explain my hiatus this post? Or do I just keep posting away...eating deep fried chicken skin/fat and salsa with pineapples and mangos. Well, judging from the title, I think you know what I have chosen.

This is going to be a regular blog entry. Meaning, there shall be no mention of feces. Well, at least I will try to break my record of going 30 seconds without mentioning feces.

So, I have been reading a lot of Dooce lately. (How long was that? Was that 31 seconds? 3 SECONDS?! Are you sure? Okay...) Now, you're probably saying to yourself, "Why Becca?" well, if you're not then you should be.

Well because I stopped over at Matthew Baldwin's Blog, and saw her in his links section. And I followed it. And folly ensued.

I, like Dooce, used soap on my face for YEARS. Harsh shit, that Dial. So, she wrote a post about Cetaphil Cleanser (I still cannot pronounce that word. I am like Ling-Ling from Drawn Together trying to pronounce Prell. It just ain't gonna happen, and that fills me with shame) and I FULLY FUCKING ENDORSE THIS CLEANSER. Holy crap. I look 17 again. And you know what that means, right? Time to go out, get drunk, get on a random L train in Chicago, take it to the end of the line, and call my brother screaming that he needs to come pick me up right this fucking instant! Ahhh the teenage years! I wonder why Jameson doesn't look back on them fondly...

In other news, I am trying to format Penelope's comics to fit on this page. I am also thinking of changing a few things around...who knows! You will all be surprised I guess.

In home news: Yesterday, Eric and I bought a PS2 Slim, and God of War 2. I have not seen my husband since.

In family news: I have decided to start leaving strange messages on my mother's answering machine. She checks her messages ONCE A MONTH, so right around the beginning of April, look for a VERY confused Bannocburne mubling to herself, wringing her hands, and pacing up and down the block.

My first message is as follows:

In a strange, strained Southern Accent "WHY YOU NO CALL YOUR BLACK GRANDMA?!"
*click*

Now, before you go and call me a racist, I had to put black in there. If I didn't, and just said WHY YOU NO CALL YOUR GRANDMA my mother would call her grandmother and thoroughly confuse her as well! So you see, to confuse my mother, I had to add in black just so my great-grandmother doesn't get all confused, start mubling to herself, wringing her hands, and pace around in her Arkansas nursing home.

I like my great-grandmother. She checks her messages.

But obviously I don't like her that much - we stuck her in a nurshing home in ARKANSAS for Ozzy's sake...

Next week's message will be as follows:
In a over-stuffy Washington Upperclass White Guy Accent "Hello Mr. Bannocburne, this is Carl Rove calling to remind you to vote Republican in the 2008 Presidential Election." Pulls phone away from face, slightly muffled "If this fucker doesn't I'll send him right to Gitmo!"
*click*

Somewhere next month my father will screaming high holy hell and telling my mother they are moving to Canada. I can't wait.

Ceta...Cetaphiiil...Cepha...AH GODDAMMIT!

5 comments:

James Bannockburne said...

LOL I wish I could hear some of these voicemails, man :)

James Bannockburne said...

HOLY CRAP I GOT MY PASSWORD RIGHT!!

Becki said...

So where was I when you and Eric got married? I totally missed out on that little tidbit of information....

Becki

Geow423 said...

Yeah how about that getting married thing. Went the cheap way huh and just didnt tell anybody. Did you get married on the internet?

I also use Cedaphil. It is the shit!

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